Marriage Won’t Change Your Partner

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Marriage Won’t Change Your Partner

 

Trigger warning: abuse, physical abuse

 

Sorry, I guess you were hoping to hear something different, well, I am here to tell you the honest truth. Getting married to your partner, won’t make them stop whatever you don’t like about them.

 

The only thing that can change your partner is if, they decide to change themselves. Only they, can change themselves! Not marriage, not the wedding but themselves!

 

Imagine this, 

 

You have a partner that physically abuses you. They beat you with no remorse and blame you for it. Then one day, you both get invited to a friend’s wedding. Do you think this person, will change after the wedding you attended? No! Both of you might get back home from the wedding and they might abuse you again for something irrelevant. 


Or you have a partner that verbally and emotionally abuses you, will they change after the wedding?

 

Now, picture that wedding being your own wedding, will that change anything?

I bet you are thinking, something will change

1.    because of the pre-marital counseling you had.

2.    or because they promised not to do it again.

 

The ceremony, the dance, the food, the drinks and the signed certificate will not change them.

I know a lot of people always think, “they will change after marriage” 

Let’s break this down. When you say, “… after marriage,” what do you mean exactly? After the wedding or when you sign the marriage certificate? 

I bet you but just a day or a few days of celebration won’t change anyone who is not ready to change.

 

Some also believe in this saying, “they are like this because we are not married”.

 

Let me tell you a short story, I have had married men ask me out when I was single with their wedding bands on. I asked one of them specifically, “you have a wedding band and you are asking me out?”

He replied, “What has my wedding band got to do with anything? Doesn’t that show that I am responsible?”. I did not engage them further and walked off.


Wasn’t this particular man married? Did his marriage or being married change his lifestyle of cheating?  No! He was actually using his wedding band and marriage to broker a cheating deal. 

This doesn't mean, I am referring to straight men only as partners that will not change. I used straight men in the example because I am a straight woman and this is my personal experience. But the word "partner" in this blog post refer to all gender identifications. 

I remember asking my partner a few days after our wedding, “is this what they call marriage?” I asked because nothing had changed between us. We were still behaving like before we were married.

So once again, I am sorry to disappoint you but the marriage won’t change them.

 

Hence, when you see all the red flags, run because your partner will not change after marriage. They will not turn over a new leaf just because you had a little ceremony and signed a paper. 

 

Always ask yourself, can I live with this abuse, issues and challenges? If we both live to be 80 and we are 35 now, can I condone this behaviour for 45 years?

 

"And until next time, know that 

You are enough, you are worthy!

Learn to Live life in the present 

And know that nothing last forever so everything will be fine!" 

Take care of YOU, YOU have all you got!  

 

NB: If you are in Canada and you are experiencing abuse, use this link to find help

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html

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