Be Present in your Children lives: Personal Experience and Tips

 

Being present in your children’s life can take many dimensions which include

1.     Physical

2.     Emotionally/Psychologically

3.     Spiritual

4.     Financial, etc. 

Most parents often focus on the spiritual (they pray and fast for them) and financial (they provide for them and buy them gifts) aspects, which are great! Please continue doing that. 

Most often, the physical and Emotional/Psychological aspects are ignored. 

This blogpost is about being present Physically and Emotionally/Psychologically for your children. 

As parents, we need to be there for our children physically and emotionally/psychologically.

My story

I have talked about how my mum was present in my life in this blogpost, Your children should be your friends.

The best thing I had as a child was a mother that was present. Till now, my mum is my best friend.  My mum knows all my friends and she supported me with my first heartbreak.

She was also my academic teacher at home. She taught me at home and also set questions for me to keep up in school. My mum was there for me and I am so grateful for the gift of her in my life.

 

How can you be present (Physically and Emotionally) for your children?

 

Physical

Make and spend time with your children. A time where you listen to them, play with them or be there for them. This could be going for a car ride with them and chatting. It could be asking them how their day went during dinner time. Always find time during the day and be present for your children.

 

During this present time, make sure to put your phone away. 

Our family realtor will always tell you, “I am with the family. We are driving around. I will call you when the children are in bed or tomorrow”. Or he will not text you and later let you know he was with the children. 

There is another family friend who will not pick calls after 7pm. That is, his family time. You can text him after 7pm and he will respond the next day. When you are present, be fully present!

 

Make memories and traditions with them. We have a tradition in my home where we sing, dance, tell stories at least twice a week. Our children love this. We also watch a family movie once a week and they look forward to it.

Academics

Support them with their learning. Not just with their homework but with their learning in general. 

You can do this by

a. Reading to them at night or once a day

b. Explaining academic concepts to them

c. Helping them to prepare for their exams by going through their books with them

Teachers always recommend that parents should support their wards at home, find time and support them with their school work. 

 

Emotional/Psychological

 

Do not transfer aggression to your children. Whenever you are stressed, deal with it and try not to dump them on your children. If it happens that way, apologize to them immediately!

 

Be attentive to your children so that you can notice when they are sad, unhappy or when something is wrong with them. My mum could easily tell when something was off with me because she was present and she knew me. When I had my first heartbreak, my mum knew something was wrong with me. 

She came to my room and said, “come and let’s talk about it. I won’t judge you. I have coke [coca cola]”. She did not judge me but rather supported me.

Listen to them! Tell me about it, sometimes I want them to just keep quiet so I can catch a breath but when you keep shutting them down, they might never come back. Ask them how their day was and support them if they are having a hard time. 

If they are going through a hard time and they tell you are depressed or are anxious, don't brush it off and say things like, 

"You are a child of God and so you can't be depressed or anxious!"

"Don't say that! You are a child of God"

"That is not your portion!"

You can say all of the above but after you say that, support them. Talk to them about it or have them seek a therapist's help. Don't just leave them in that state, help them. 

May be one day, I will share how my mum did not just brush me off when I told her of a spiritual attack that I was going through. She supported me till I was free. I am motivated to mention this because recently I was talking about anxiety on a prayer line and one woman said,

"You are a child of God, don't say that. There is no anxiety in children of God."

The surprising thing was, I did not even say I had anxiety but I was making reference to anxiety to make a point. 

Furthermore, when they talk to you, do not judge them. Parents often forget that they were once children and did the same mistakes they are judging their children. Examples of things that parent judge their children for include dating when they were 16 or younger, sneaking around and wanting to go for parties but hell all break loose when their children do same.

 

Positive Affirmations

Say positive things to your children. Words are powerful, use the positive ones to uplift and build confidence in your children. 

 

Allow them to show emotions

It’s okay for them to cry. Let them cry and afterwards talk through their emotions with them. Then guide them to make informed decisions.

 

 Conclusion

Be present so that when they need someone to confide in, it will be you. Your children will not always be with you. They will be out of your lives soon. Cherish the time you have with them now. 

If you are not present for them now, there will be a time, you will be an alien to them. 

If you are not present for them, someone else will be there for you. 

And until next time, know that 

You are enough, you are worthy!

Learn to Live life in the present 

And know that nothing last forever so everything will be fine!

Take care of YOU, YOU are all you've got!