Physical Abuse is not the only Abuse: Types of Abuse
Physical Abuse is not the only Abuse: Types of Abuse
For many of us, when we hear the word, abuse, we think of physical abuse. There are several other abuses that occur which is detrimental to the victim.
Stop telling your friends and people to stay in abusive homes because their partner is not beating them. All abuse whether seen or unseen are damaging.
Abuse can happen in intimate relationships, amongst acquaintances, at the workplaces, within families and almost any and everywhere.
Abuse is a means of control. An abuser controls the victim through their actions and inactions and take their power and agency from them.
A victim can experience more than one type of abuse. Some types of abuses are connected to each other. For example, verbal abuse can cause emotional abuse which can in turn cause mental abuse. Thus, a victim experiencing verbal abuse may also be experiencing emotional and mental abuse.
Most victims make excuses for their abusive partner and hold the belief they will change.
I have decided to share this because for the past few weeks, I have heard so many stories of people suffering in abusive relationship either because they did not know they were being abused or they are afraid of what society will say if they leave.
You and I make up the society, so stop shaming and gossiping about women who have the courage to leave their abusive marriages so they are able to leave.
Data of Abuse
The perpetrators of Abuse
77- 79% of victims of abuse are women as compared to16% who are are men. Statistics have shown that most men are abusers and they make up 80% to 90% of the population. in this blog post I will use example and the operators may be men since they are the majority of defendants in abuse cases.
Sources: Women's Aid, True Self Healing, Discreet Investigations & Security
When does abuse happen?
The statistics have found out that averagely, almost 20 people are physically abused in the US.
Source: NCADV
Types of Abuses (especially in intimate relationships)
Commonly known ones
Physical Abuse
This is the most common type of abuse that is known. This is when one partner physically abuses the other. Example includes hitting, beating and strangling your partner amongst others.
Verbal Abuse
This is also common and it occurs when one partner shouts, demeans and speaks down on the other partner either publicly or privately. An example will be when a man tells his wife, “You are worthless”.
Emotional/Psychological Abuse
This happens when a partner messes with the other’s emotions and how they feel in order to control and inflict pain on them.
The victim is gaslighted and they are made to question themselves all the time.
Examples include when you live in the same house with your partner but they do not speak with you. This will make you question yourself and you might think you are not worthy. You suffer emotionally and you cannot really explain it because people may invalidate your feelings. Other examples can include when you are constantly humiliated, neglected and ignored.
Verbal abuse can also cause emotional abuse.
It is a dangerous type of abuse because it is hard to prove and people may invalidate your feelings.
Mental Abuse
Mental abuse is when your abuser is a narcist. They do things to you and turn around and make you think it’s all in your head, you are over thinking it and making things up. Mental abusers focus on controlling how you think. They always blame you when things go wrong.
Example is, a person that abuses you mentally may cheat on you and then when they are caught, they turn the story around and make you feel that it’s all in your head and you never saw the messages or them making out with another person. You may then start to think if you are okay or hallucinating since you saw the proof and evidence.
Sexual Abuse
This type of abuse occurs when one partner use sex to hurt or control the other. This can happen when they cheat, rape, withhold sex or use it as a weapon. It is also when someone sex shames their partner. In sex shaming, they can say things like, “sex is all you know or sex is all you are good for”. You can report when your partner rapes you. Yes, intimate partners can rape as well.
Types of abuses that are rarely spoken about
Reproductive Abuse
This occurs when a partner uses their partner’s “reproduction” choices to control them. Examples is when a man sees that a woman has a promising career, they then intentionally get them pregnant to slow them down and halt their careers and progress.
Some women will also deliberately get pregnant for men so the men can marry them or use the pregnancy to extort money from the men.
Other example includes lying about using a contraceptive or birth control method. Poking holes in condom as well as hiding, withholding or destroying contraceptive and birth controls.
Religious/Spiritual Abuse
I have a blog post on religious manipulation which you can read HERE. An example of this can include when the
a. a. The man agrees that the woman can worship anywhere she wants after marriage. Then proceeds to force and pressure her to worship with him at hissame place.
b. b. They use their religion to make their partner conform or do things they do not want to do.
c. c. This type of abuse can occur also when scriptures are used to control, humiliate or embarrass people.
Economic/ Financial Abuse
When one partner will not make the other work and make them solely dependent on them in terms of finances, that counts as economic/financial abuse. This helps them to be able to control the one not working.
Additionally, the abuser can make the victim work and then keep all the money and control how the money is spent.
There is a more subtly one where they don’t keep your money but they will tell you all the great projects both of you can undertake using your money and they help you squander your money.
Digital Abuse
When it occurs in an intimate relationship, the abuser can ask their partner to leave social media but they, the abuser, will continue to use and enjoy the space. It can also occur when people bully harass and stalk others on social media or on the internet. It also include bugging their phones to listen to their conversations.
Cultural/Identity Abuse
The abuser will use a part of the victim’s culture to control them or not let them observe aspects of their culture like their cultural dressing or their dietary or halal customs.
Furthermore, the abuser can use racial slurs or even be “out” their partner if they are a part of the LGBTQ2+ community and their family and friends do not know yet.
Harmful effects of Abuse
Death
Suicide
Eating disorders
Low self-esteem
Depression
Anxiety
Insomnia
PTSD
Isolation
Injury
Trust issues
The cycle of Abuse continues
Conclusion
If you are in an abusive relationship/marriage: leave. If you have children, don’t stay for the children. People tend to stay for the children. Their argument is that, the children need their mother and father or both parents. You are wrong. What the children need is a healthy family but not just a mother and father or both parents. There can be both parents and one of them will be absent. if that happens, what is the essence of having both parents?
Also, If you are in a physically abusive relationship and you stay, you are showing your boy child that it’s okay for him to beat their partner in future.
You are showing your girl child, it’s okay for her to endure when their partner beats them in future. So, No! You are causing more harm to the children when you stay. You are perpetuating the cycle when you need to break it. And you may probably end up dead if you stay, leaving these children motherless.
Leaving is not easy, don't get me wrong! But staying is an abuse marriage is worse, so chose your battle.
Never ever doubt that you are Enough!
Do not let anyone let you feel you are not valuable!
You matter!
I am rooting for you.
Leave and find you, your peace and your sanity again.
Take care of YOU, YOU have all you got!
If you are in Canada and you are experiencing abuse,
Call 9-1-1
Call one of the crisis lines in your area using this link:
https://women-gender-equality.canada.ca/en/gender-based-violence/crisis-lines.html
use this link to find help
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