To Leave or to Stay in a Toxic Work Environment: Personal Experience

Leave immediately!

If you can afford to take care of yourself for 6 months whiles you look for another job, leave and keep your sanity.

In this write up, I will refer to the job as "the toxic job".

My Story

This was my second toxic work environment experience. My first was a sexual abuse issues which is different from what I am about to share.

When I started "the toxic job", everything was confusing and strange. I had to google the signs and challenges I was experiencing, and it was only then that I realized that I was working in a toxic environment.

My first day on the job, I did not feel cohesion on the team (I have a good intuition).

Also, I could instantly feel like there were people trying to tell me with their eyes that I should run for my life. Hahaha, I can laugh now but it was not a funny experience.

Most of the team members kept asking why I had left my previous job or why I chose to work with them. This should be normal right? No, it wasn’t! They were really concerned for me.

The Toxic Issues I Experienced

Intuition

8 days into my employment, my toxic supervisor, told me casually, “You know I have the power to get you fired any time I want, right?”

Micromanaging

The time I came to work was monitored - I needed to tell the toxic supervisor what time I came to work and when I left.

This is not such a big deal right? Well, it will not have been such a big deal if everyone in the organization did that, or if it was a clock in, clock out job.

Other employees in other program in the organization did not have to that.

Whenever I attended events and meetings outside the organization, the host of those meetings were called without my knowledge, and they were asked when the event ended and when I left the venue. This information was used to calculate my commute time back to the office, to ensure I came right back to work and did nothing else after the event.

The supervisor will creep behind me to see what I was doing on my computer. Whenever that happened, I could always feel that there was someone standing behind me. I will turn around and find him standing there, staring at my computer.

Later, he will have me know that, he saw I was on YouTube. I explained to him, that I was on YouTube for work and not for fun. I was searching for videos to use for the presentations and workshops I was building.

My bathroom time was monitored. One time I was asked,

"Are you sure you went to the washroom"?

And oh, you could not use the washroom when a meeting was in progress because it will be used against you at a later day.

Verbal Abuse

I asked if I could do something and the reply was, “That is a dumb thing to ask. Why would you ask such a thing?”.

Crying

I cried every other day. There were about five people in the organization who knew I cried. Three of them gave me their offices to cry in if I needed to. Whenever I wanted to cry, I will go there during my lunch time and cry. If these support system had clients, then I will have no option than to go to the washroom and cry.

If you are one of them and you manage to read this, thank you!

Team Player

I was told I wasn’t a team player because I did not speak up during meetings. Apparently, the other team members were complaining that I did not like them because I was not speaking during meetings. Interesting right? I never thought someone not speaking or having nothing to say at a meeting, meant they did not like their team mates.

Personally, I like to keep quiet and listen during meetings. I only add something when it’s absolute necessary.

Documentation

Whenever I sent an email, instead of replying, the toxic supervisor will come to me and give me the answer verbally without acknowledging or replying to the email.

This person told me, there was no need sending emails to them and I could just walk to their office and tell them what I need instead of sending emails.

One time, they told me not to go on with a project verbally and then turned around and said, they never told me that. I was naive, I had no paper trail or evidence to back my claims.

Intelligence Abuse

They looked down on my ideas and then it took it as their own. There was a time when the leadership needed ideas for a project. They asked us to share our ideas with the toxic supervisor so they will forward them with our names to the management.

I sent mine in and I was told, “this is not the kind of ideas we need. Sorry but this won’t work. I will not be sending it over”.

Days later, the leadership said they had received a great idea birthed from the toxic supervisor which they were going to go ahead with.

Guess, what the idea was? Your guess is good as mine. It was my idea, hahaha, the same one that they said, “this is not the kind of ideas we need. Sorry but this won’t work. I will not be sending it over”. Yes, that very one!

This toxic supervisor made me help them in doing their work, covered another department for 3 weeks, gave me glowing evaluations and came back later and said they don’t know what I do.

Coming to Work

When I started, I was told I could come to work at any time before 9am and I have to do 8 hours a day. Then after a few days, I was told I need to start work at 8am or else I will be fired.

Mind you, there was another person in the same office and program who came in anytime before 9am so far as he was doing 8 hours.

I asked how this person was able to come in at anytime before 9am and I could not do same. I was told his job duties were different than mine.

Lack of Support from HR/Manager

HR and manager supported him, because well, they have been there longer that I had been.

This was interesting because I wasn’t the only that had complained about his toxic behaviour but they still maintained him and I was made out to be the bad person.

Later, the manager apologized and said, “she should have done something”. Well, she did not.

That is why I say, leave if you can.

HR and management need to do better. Listen to your employees and support them. Stop covering up for toxic people especially toxic supervisors. Train them or fire them.

People were always checking in with me

If I remember vividly, three people from other departments reached out to me to check in with me. They always asked, "how I was doing" or "if I was okay?"

This happened when I had just started working there.

Finally, two of them were bold to tell me the reason why they were constantly checking in with me. They said it was because they knew the supervisor was toxic and they were hoping to support me or be an outlet where I could vent to.

The last one told me at a party. Let us call this person ManagerS.

ManagerS: “Animwaa, how are you really at work? Do you like it here?”

Animwaa: “I am fine”

ManagerS: “I am asking this because I had a friend who used to work in your program and she was abused. She cried every day, left for maternity and never came back. I keep checking on you because of her. I think you need to look for other opportunities and leave”

We had a good chat and she told me to start looking for other opportunities and leave.

Someone was hired and left less than two weeks

Most of the people I met there were enduring the culture, because they assumed they had no where to go. Those that could not stay, left immediately.

There was one that left in less than two weeks. I came to work one day and I was told they had resigned.

I called them up and they told me they could not work in such a toxic and structureless environment.

I was so happy for them. I thanked God for them and celebrated with them for leaving.

You know? This particular person, asked me three days after they started how I really felt about the place. I could not say anything. I was not sure if I could trust them. I wasn’t sure if they had been asked to spy on me. So, I said, nothing.

This person referred me to that conversation we had. They said, I knew the very first day that it was a toxic place and that is why I asked how you felt about the place.

Other unrelated work issue

If the toxic supervisor sends a personal email about his family and vacations they took, and you did not reply, that was used against you.

I was told by two of those who checked in with me to always reply to such emails so that I will be in the toxic supervisor's good book. There was so many other toxic enduring tactics that you will internalize or learn without even realizing it.

The Impact it had on me

I believed I was not a good team player.

I experienced anxiety.

I was always sad and unsatisfied with the job.

Why didn’t I leave immediately?

I guess you are wondering why I did not leave early when I preach leave immediately.

The reasons why I could not leave were because

I had just changed jobs and we were waiting to take possession of our new home. Our mortgage broker advised me not to change jobs or lose my current job till after possession.
I was also pregnant and stayed for maternity benefits.

Knowing what I know now and what I went through, never again will I stay a second more.

Even in my consulting business, I have walked away from juicy contracts because of toxic situations.

Are you thinking of what to do if you find yourself in such an environment, read this blog post.

I share my story not because it's easy
I share my stories to heal
I share my stories to support others
I share my stories to empathize

I share my stories to own my narrative

and I share my stories because I can

~Animwaa Obeng-Akrofi

Please share your stories of toxic workplace in the comment section. You can share it anonymously or you can send it to my email and I can share if for you if you want.

And until next time, know that

You are enough, you are worthy!

Learn to Live life in the present

And know that nothing last forever so everything will be fine!

Take care of YOU, YOU are all you've got!

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