DEEP CONVERSATION STARTERS FOR PEOPLE DATING WITH INTENT OR THOSE IN THEIR 30s, 40s, 50s OR 60s

UNPOPULAR TOPICS TO DISCUSS ON A FIRST DATE

Hello,

I hope you are well? I have a lot of unpopular opinions. If you are looking for the norm or what maintains the status quo then you are in the wrong place.

Today, I will share with you my unpopular opinions about topics to discuss on the first date.

Usually, people talk about superficial and basic things on a first date but I beg to differ that we need to have the deep conversation on the first date.

This will determine if the person deserves another date or is worth your time.

If you are dating with intent or you are looking for a serious relationship then it is important that you ask the deep and serious questions on the first date.

So what are these deep questions or serious topic you should explore?

Medicals/Health

Talk about medicals/health.

I know someone that says the first question they ask their date is, "I am AS, what is your genotype?". This person asks this question of the bat because they do not want to fall in love and find out later down the line that they are not compatible with their partner and cannot marry them.

If the other person is AS then they do not even go on another date or build the relationship further.

Thus, talk about health. Ask those deep questions about health and then determine if this person deserve another date.

What do you think?

SEX

Talk about sex, yes, talk about it. What does the person think about sex? 

What types of sex styles are they interested in? Do they want to go the "50 shades route?" or do they have any fetish with regards to sex?

What do they think about sex during one's period or marital rape. Exploring this topic does not mean you want to have sex on the first date. It just means you are ascertaining if you are sexually compatible with them and they deserve another date.

A lot of people are so hush hush about talking about sex like they do not do it or enjoy it. We need to talk about sex because in the long around if you marry this person, you will have it. So why not talk about it?

Define the Relationship

If you are dating with intent, you need to define the relationship on the first date. You need to simply ask the person you are on a date with, what they are looking for? Are they looking for something long term? Something just for fun? 

It is important that you define and lay the foundation of what you have or what you are looking for on the first date.

This is important because if they are looking for someone to have fun with and you are looking for something long term, then you don't bother to go on a second date because your dating goals are not aligned.

GENDER ROLES

Ask them what they think about gender roles. Do they think the man provides and the woman makes the home? Do they think a man should cook and clean? Make sure you are compatible with them based on their thoughts on gender roles.

Personally, I do not believe there are gender roles. I do not believe a woman should be the one cooking and a man's duty is to watch TV when the woman is cooking. Thus, this question is important for me to see if this person deserves another date.

CHILDREN

There are people that do not want to have children. I know people personally that do not want to have children and that is fine. If you want children, have that conversation on the first date. Ask them what they think about children and if they want to have them.

If they want children, talk about the number of children they want. Explore that topic, put that in your bag and then you know you are good on that front. Then have another date with them and explore another topic of interest knowing that you on the same page.

FAMILY

On a first date, talk about each others families. Is the one you are on a date with, the bread winner of the family? Who are the members of their family and what do they do? Are they all gainfully employed? Are they students? If they are students, who is taking care of them through school?

You really need to understand who you are getting involved with. Are they the bread winner of their families, if so are they financially okay to take care of the new family they are about to make with you?

Will their family even agree for them to be with you? Talk about these deep conversations on the first date so you know if they person is worth a second date or your time.

FINANCES 

You can start the conversation about finances by simply asking the question, "what do you do for a living?" 

Based on what they do, you would be able to guess how much they make and/or if they are financially stable. I know this is dependent on many things but it is still a great conversation starter.

There are some people that their main job is to date a financially independent person who will fend for them and support them. That is their job! You need to have that conversation and make sure that you are not their job! I have a short video on this on my YouTube Channel.

You can go on and talk about credit scores and learn more about their financial management.

Then you can decided if they are worth another date.

IDEAS

If this person does not have a job, you can share ideas with them. Ideas about how they can land a job or ideas for them to start their entrepreneurial journey.

You can also talk about future plans, dreams and ideas with this person to see if they share in your goals or will be a part of your future.

RELOCATION

Ask your partner what they think about relocation.

If you relocated and you currently live in the western world but you have plans of going back home after your pension, have that conversation on the first date.

If you have relocation in your plans, have that conversation. Not everyone wants to relocate. Do not assume that everyone wants to relocate and live abroad. 

I know people who came to Canada to do their master and PhD and went back to Ghana. They had opportunities to stay permanently in Canada but they did not take that opportunity. 

I know people whose partners do not want to relocate. They assumed that their partner would want to join them in Canada once they get married and their partners are not interested.

Do not assume! Ask about it! Talk about it. If it's a big deal for you, have that conversation on the first date.

TRIBE/NATIONALITY/RACE

I have heard of people who date for years and then one of the party will tell the other, I cannot marry you because of your tribe/nationality/race. My family doesn't support our union.

This is why it is important to have this discussion as early as possible.

I had a roommate who always said, she has been asked not to date from a certain tribe and so she would not even waste anyone from that tribe's time.

When you ask them for a date, they will go but let you know on the first date that this would not work out.

So have that conversation and if your love conquers it, have a solid plan on how to convince your family or get married without their consent.

RELIGION

There are people from different relies background that have married and are living beautifully together.

If you do not intend to change your religion, please have that conversation on the first date.

It can be as simply as, "I am so so and so and I am a Christian. I will not change my religion, I know you are a Muslim, are you okay with that?"

Do not let them brush this aside and say, something along the lines like, "when we get there, we will cross the bridge". You are already at the bridge because you are dating with intent, so cross it now.

They may be okay but will their family be okay with it?

I know people who are both christians but in different sects that had issues after marriage. The men usually wants the woman to stop their sect and join theirs. Some had this conversation but their partners brushed it off at the beginning and the deep conversation started after marriage.

Have it on the first date if religion is a big deal for you.

There are also some people who are very religious who get married to people who are not. 

There are people who are both very religious and one of them falls of the bandwagon along the lines. Have the conversation about that as well. 

Questions such as, "how would you feel if I stop being a christian along the line?" can help explore the topic better.

It is important to have these deep conversation at the very beginning.

Conclusion

TIP: Go with money to pay for at least your own food just incase the person doesn't pay.

Also, you can ask the person if you will pay for your own food or if they are paying. 

Choose any of the above topics which is important to you and have that conversation on the first date. I wish you all the best as you date to find the right person.

Are there any serious topics or deep conversation starters you thought of which I did not explore? Please share them in the comments.

And until next time, know that 

You are enough, you are worthy!

Learn to Live life in the present 

And know that nothing last forever so everything will be fine!