FEELING LIKE A FAILURE IN YOUR 30s?| HOW TO OVERCOME IT

Hello,

Welcome to my world. Today let's talk about the feeling of failure, underachieved, worthless and hopeless when you are approaching the age of 30.

Interestingly, when you hear people say they are approaching 30 and they have failed, it is usually because they are unmarried and have no children yet.

My questions are, who determined that 30 is the goal or the age of achievement? Why are you putting pressure on yourself because of a mark someone else has set?

My guess is, it is probably someone that sat down one day and said, if you are unmarried and you have no children, then you have failed. Then people just run with it.

I feel like there is so much pressure on people to achieve so many things by the age of 30, when they have not been set up financially or adequately to succeed.

The statement that, "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" is a slogan that a company came up with to sell their products and people run with it. Now, you hear people see this all the time. Even when people want to fast, they hear that statement and then eat. 

So, I want to ask my questions again. Who determined that 30 is the goal or the age of achievement? Why are you putting pressure on yourself because of a mark someone else has set.

You are not a Failure

Always remember that, you are Amazing!

You are Valuable!

You are worthy!

You are on earth for a reason! 

And you are definitely not a failure.

Always tell yourself the above positive words. It will help with your mood.

I know people who have had amazing partners and successful children in their 30s. If they had married or had babies in their 20s, it would have been a disaster.

Your Calendar is different from God's Calendar

I believe in God and I also believe that his calendar is different from your calendar. 

For your life, you would have wanted to have been married, had all your children and a promising career by 30. But is that God's plan for you?

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

His calendar is different from yours and it will make sense when he settles you.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

 

Do not compare yourself

As humans we are fond of comparing ourselves with others and being depressed or sad as a result. We see some of our friends living the "LIFE". Traveling around the world, with the big job titles, living in big houses and driving the big cars. Then we ask ourselves, God when?

Yes, some of your mates are really living the "LIFE". But you should remember that although you may have class mates, course mates, school mates and work mates, those people may not be your grace mates or favour mates.

So yes, they may shine before you do and that is just how life is.

You need to be grateful because there are some of your mates who are dead, mentally challenged and suffering one fate or another. This could have been you. You could have been dead. When people die, life moves on and we would have moved on without you. But you are still alive, and when you are alive, there are many opportunities to excel and achieve all that you want to achieve. So why are you comparing yourself with others? Comparison steals joy and does not make you live in the present.

It will makes sense, trust me. When your breakthrough comes, everything will make sense.

I know someone, they told me this story, they used to compare themselves with a well-known celebrity who was their mate. This well-known celebrity got a good job right after school, got married, had children and kept rising. They were able to build a successful career.

The storyteller mentioned they will always go this celebrity's social media pages and feel bad for their lives. They wished they were them and always asked why God did not make them like that person.

One day, they woke up went online and read that this well-known celebrity that they wished they had their life had died. Just then they heard a voice tell them, "do you want to die too? You always want to be like him. Now he is dead, do you want to die too?" The celebrity died at a young age. 

The storyteller has moved on to become successful, have amazing children and built a beautiful family. And since then he has learnt the powerful message of not wanting someone's life or comparing himself to someone.

Philippians 4:11-12

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 

Scam

Well, as we have seen and heard, some of the lifestyles we so much envy have ended up to be scams and make believe. Social media is make believe and people always like to show you what will make them look good. Thus, do not be quick to feel depressed because of what you see on traditional and social media.

If they ask you to live the lives of some of the people you envy for even an hour, you will not live to tell the story.

So chill and enjoy your life. 

Let's explore how you can overcome the feeling of failure.

HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEELING OF FAILURE

Love yourself

First and foremost, love yourself. I share more about how to do that in this blogpost.

Block, Delete and Unfollow

Whatever is threatening your peace, making you feel worthless, block, delete and unfollow them.

If they are accounts you follow on social media that gives you pressure and makes you feel unfulfilled,  block, delete and unfollow them.

If it is a particular social media app that is making you feel like a failure,  block, delete and unfollow.

Strive to do and be better

You need to work on becoming better. You need a new job or you want a change in your career, update your resume and your Linkedin profile. Start actively looking for jobs and prepare yourself for interviews. Work towards it.

If it is love that you are looking for, work on your self. You want a generous and kind partner, are you one yourself? Whatever you are seeking in a partner, work to be that person.

Go out more and meet people.

Connect with your old school mates. I know people who connected with their old school mates and they are now happily married and living their life.

If you are looking for the fruit of the word, there are options which include but not limited to the following:

IVF

IUI

Surrogacy 

Adoption etc

Speak with your gynaecologist for the best option for you.

Work on it.

Get Support

Talk to someone. I say this all the time, talk to a trusted person, a counsellor or go for therapy. When you feel overwhelmed, stressed and depressed get support because it could end badly.

Never endure it all alone. It will amaze you how talking through it will help you so much.

Gratitude Jar

Keep a gratitude jar. I share more about gratitude jar HERE!

Pray

Last but definitely not the least, pray! Prayer works and prayer open doors.

And until next time, know that 

You are enough, you are worthy!

Learn to Live life in the present 

And know that nothing last forever so everything will be fine! 

Take care of YOU, YOU are all you've got!